Sent to: http://www.caviarmore.com/buy-caviar/
To Whom It May Concern,
Howdy there my name is Nathaniel Burbian. I was just on your site perusing your wares of caviers. I recently had me some of those caviers at some high felutin party I took my step kids and my daddy to. Now I aint never eatin nothing half as good as that shit. So i got on my new internet and decided to buy me up some of it to have what for to cook for my vittles.
The problem is that you have so many caviers I dont know what do pick. I know I loved that cavier at the party but I don't know what kind it was. I saw you had all kinds like belugs, osetra, and sevurga. I don't even speak no spanish though so I'm having a hard time telling which is which. What's the best way to find the cavier for me? I recently came into a shit load of money and so I thought of maybe buying all the caviers but it seems like a waste.
Could you please reccomend me one of those cavier dinners? Thanks for any help.
Thank you very much,
Thanks,
Nathaniel Burbian
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
To Whom It May Concern: Response for Hammers
Got this email from the hammer company I emailed.
Here's the one I sent them: http://thegifthorsesmouth.blogspot.com/2010/10/to-whom-it-may-concern-hammers.html
And here's what they sent me back :
Here's the one I sent them: http://thegifthorsesmouth.blogspot.com/2010/10/to-whom-it-may-concern-hammers.html
And here's what they sent me back :
Gosh Nathan, I think production of this hammer began sometime in 1000AD. But sorry, that company went out of business, I'm sure by the banking scandal. Those bankers can take out anyone, ever superheroes. Perhaps you should try looking at Thor hammers, they might know a thing or two:
http://www.thorhammer.com/index.php
If you find what you need on their site we probably carry it.
Good luck,
Sincerely,
Jennifer
The Hammer Source
To Whom It May Concern: Response for A Book
Firstly I sent this: http://thegifthorsesmouth.blogspot.com/2010/10/to-whom-it-may-concern-book.html
Okay so this morning I got a response. Firstly I received this email:
Dear Kereal Ciller,
Please rest assured that there is no such place as heaven.
Also that I know how to use Google. (link to another site I posted it on)
(For next time: The run-on sentences are nice, but the proper use of contractions? Dead give away.)
Best of luck with your trolling.
She also wrote a blog about me which can be found here:
http://saucysalad.com/2010/10/05/its-and-its-or-the-editor-and-the-troll/
To Whom It May Concern: A Book
Sent to: http://saucysalad.com/hire-me/
Dear Rebecca,
Hello my name is Nathan Burbian. I am 8 years old. I want you to help me write a book. It is for my mommy. She has died a few weeks ago. She loved books. I want to write a book and mail it to heaven so she can read it and be happy and be proud of me. It's going to be about a baby that learns how to read minds and fly and then it uses powers to win at blackjack. Please help me. I don't have much moneys but I will let you keep copies of the book for you to give to your mommy if you want.
Thanks,
Nathan Burbian
To Whom It May Concern: Hammers
Sent to:http://www.hammersource.com/
To Whom it May Concern
Hello I am looking to buy a very specific hammer and I think you might be the people to either provide me with the sale or point me in the right direction. The specific hammer brand I am looking for is Mjolnir.
I'm not sure of the model name but basically it is a large, square-headed gray hammer. It has a short, round handle wrapped in brown leather, culminating in a loop handle for added grippage. I know they began producing these hammers in 1962 but am honestly not sure if they are still in production.
I am currently working on a very complex carpentry project and know that when I have used this hammer in the past it has met all my needs. Here are a list of my needs, if you have another hammer brand that would meet these needs I would be eager to try it out:
1) Must resist chipping and breaking
2) Must absorb the rebound of a strike
3) Must be able to manipulate the weather on an almost global scale
4) Must be made by top quality Uru
5) Must grant the stamina to battle the entire Frost Giant army for Nine Months without any sustenance or rest.
6) Must be able to both throw images AND detect illusions.
7) Must be able to create Anti-Matter particles
8) Must have heavy duty handle
9) Must be capable of creating chronal displacement, therefore allowing time travel
Thanks for any help you can give me. I look forward to doing business with your company.
-Nathaniel Burbian
To Whom It May Concern: Horse Stuff
Sent to: http://www.jeffersequine.com/ssc/
To whom it may concern,
Please help. Last night I accidentally fed my horse an entire bottle of Jeffers Tail & Mane Anti-static Creme Rinse. I misread the label and though it was his bottle of vitamin water. Is my horse going to get sick? He has acted really weird all day. Just laying there breathing slowly. Should I shoot it? I'm really freaking out. Please dont make me shoot my horse I love it so much.
It's because of that horse that I met the love of my life Sally Denkenfield. We're engaged now. Would you like to come to the wedding? Please RSVP as soon as possible, we want to make sure we have enough food for everyone.
Last year I went to my friend John Racknoshoapnadoo's wedding and they ran out of mashed pumpkin juice and boy did they look stupid. Everyone had to run outside and drink mud. We all died. Join us. JOIN US. ITS DARK DOWN HERE BUT YOU'LL LEARN TO LOVE IT.
To Whom It May Concern: Jeeps
Sent to: http://webejeeping.com/
To Whom it may concern,
Hello I am contacting you because you seem to be the jeep experts. Your website is very well designed and it seems that you know alot about jeeps. If there is anyone out there who can answer my jeep questions I thought it would be you. So here are a few questions I would like answered before I move ahead with my jeep purchase:
1) How many jeep?
2) When was jeep first? Why?
3) If Jeep Cherokee is such a good jeep why aren't all Jeeps jeep cherokee?
4) How tall am jeep? How fat?
5) How many pieces are in jeep?
6) If I have a jeep for 10 years straight do I get cards?
7) Does Jeep know when my birthday?
8) Can jeep underwater?
9) How far are jeeps?
I would like to thank you ahead of time for any help you can give me in these areas. I look forward to buying a jeep from your company.
Thanks,
Nathan Burbian
To Whom It May Concern: Tigers
Sent To:
www.buytigers.com
To Whom It May Concern,
Hello. I am very interested in buying a tiger. I am a 22 year old man. I live in Ohio with my parents. I feel a tiger would make me happy. I would let it sleep in my bed with me. I would feed it the finest foods. I would brush its fur and its teeth as necessary. I would love it alot. I would buy the tiger toys so I could have fun with my tiger. I will name tiger Dr. Wiggelbottom.
I am interested in making this purchase and receiving my tiger from you as quickly as possible. I am very rich.
Thanks,
Nathan Burbain
www.buytigers.com
To Whom It May Concern,
Hello. I am very interested in buying a tiger. I am a 22 year old man. I live in Ohio with my parents. I feel a tiger would make me happy. I would let it sleep in my bed with me. I would feed it the finest foods. I would brush its fur and its teeth as necessary. I would love it alot. I would buy the tiger toys so I could have fun with my tiger. I will name tiger Dr. Wiggelbottom.
I am interested in making this purchase and receiving my tiger from you as quickly as possible. I am very rich.
Thanks,
Nathan Burbain
To Whom It May Concern: Housing
Sent to:
www.nystudenthousing.com
To Whom It May Concern,
Hello my name is Nathan Buford. I was looking for a place to stay a few months within NYC and I came upon your site and I wanted to ask a few questions before moving ahead with this. I am interested in the single unit, I have no room preference.
My question is due to my condition. I am a dinosaur. I am literally a dinosaur sent forward in time to find a way to stop the end of the dinosaur race. I have been looking for a place within NYC for many months because I believe this city holds the key. I have been denied repeatedly. I believe this to be because if I do in fact stop the Armageddon that wipes all of us dinosaurs off the face of the earth it will change the future(your present) in unpredictable ways. I would also like to say that I personally am not completely sure that my changing the past will actually affect YOUR present in any way. I actually believe that if I travel back and change the past rather than changing your existence, it will spawn its own alternate reality where men and dinosaurs share the world. In other words more of a Sliders thing rather than a Back to the Future thing. Please just take it under consideration.
I hope you can see past this and allow me to stay within one of your units. I am willing to pay any price, but I will be paying with sexual favors rather than money.
Thank you for your time,
Nathaniel Buford
www.nystudenthousing.com
To Whom It May Concern,
Hello my name is Nathan Buford. I was looking for a place to stay a few months within NYC and I came upon your site and I wanted to ask a few questions before moving ahead with this. I am interested in the single unit, I have no room preference.
My question is due to my condition. I am a dinosaur. I am literally a dinosaur sent forward in time to find a way to stop the end of the dinosaur race. I have been looking for a place within NYC for many months because I believe this city holds the key. I have been denied repeatedly. I believe this to be because if I do in fact stop the Armageddon that wipes all of us dinosaurs off the face of the earth it will change the future(your present) in unpredictable ways. I would also like to say that I personally am not completely sure that my changing the past will actually affect YOUR present in any way. I actually believe that if I travel back and change the past rather than changing your existence, it will spawn its own alternate reality where men and dinosaurs share the world. In other words more of a Sliders thing rather than a Back to the Future thing. Please just take it under consideration.
I hope you can see past this and allow me to stay within one of your units. I am willing to pay any price, but I will be paying with sexual favors rather than money.
Thank you for your time,
Nathaniel Buford
To Whom It May Concern: Lamp Shades
www.BrownsLampshades.com
To Whom It May Concern,
I am sort of a self described collector of lampshades. Recently my home was burnt to the ground during a lightning storm. I lost all of my most precious lamp shades. I am on a quest to rebuild my collection of lampshades ranging from average run of the mill lampshades, to expensive collectors lamp shades. I saw your site and was very impressed. I am writing this email to give you a list of my lampshades to see if you have any of these pieces, or if you may be able to acquire them for me. I am willing to make it very worth your while.
If you are interested in this business please let me know and I will forward you a list of the pieces I am interested in acquiring. A short list of them would include: The Tiberian 9000 Deluxe Lightblocker, The Donald Davindian Shade of Extasy, The Golden Rope Shade, The Pure Glass Glasshade, The Nightshade, and anything made of real pure ivory.
Thanks,
Nathan Burbian
To Whom It May Concern,
I am sort of a self described collector of lampshades. Recently my home was burnt to the ground during a lightning storm. I lost all of my most precious lamp shades. I am on a quest to rebuild my collection of lampshades ranging from average run of the mill lampshades, to expensive collectors lamp shades. I saw your site and was very impressed. I am writing this email to give you a list of my lampshades to see if you have any of these pieces, or if you may be able to acquire them for me. I am willing to make it very worth your while.
If you are interested in this business please let me know and I will forward you a list of the pieces I am interested in acquiring. A short list of them would include: The Tiberian 9000 Deluxe Lightblocker, The Donald Davindian Shade of Extasy, The Golden Rope Shade, The Pure Glass Glasshade, The Nightshade, and anything made of real pure ivory.
Thanks,
Nathan Burbian
To Whom It May Concern: Tractor Supply
Sent to : www.jimsrepairjimstractors.com
To Whom It May Concern,
I am interested in purchasing a snow blower. I accidentally dropped my previous snow blower down the well in my back yard. I was out blowing the snow and I went to set down the snow blower to take a break and dropped it right down into the well. When if fell due to the gravity it broke into a million pieces. I fear I will be drinking those pieces for the rest of my life.
Snow were I live is often very tall. What kind of snow blower that you offer do you think I should purchase. Money is not important to me. Though I have very little, I am very foolish with it and am willing to pay any price for a snow blower. The last snow blower I bought cost five thousand dollars and my first and third draft choices.
Also I am unsure if you sell ladders but if you have a ladder long enough for me to get to the bottom of my well I would appreciate any information on that as well. I need to retrieve my snow blower, my push lawn mower, a ladder, 12 remote control cars, 3 horse shoes, a bag of concrete, a BBQ, a baseball bat, an HP printer, a tire, an air conditioner, and The Scent of a Woman on VHS. Scent of a Woman may sound like a lame movie but its got Pacino at his best.
Thanks,
Nathaniel Burbian
To Whom It May Concern,
I am interested in purchasing a snow blower. I accidentally dropped my previous snow blower down the well in my back yard. I was out blowing the snow and I went to set down the snow blower to take a break and dropped it right down into the well. When if fell due to the gravity it broke into a million pieces. I fear I will be drinking those pieces for the rest of my life.
Snow were I live is often very tall. What kind of snow blower that you offer do you think I should purchase. Money is not important to me. Though I have very little, I am very foolish with it and am willing to pay any price for a snow blower. The last snow blower I bought cost five thousand dollars and my first and third draft choices.
Also I am unsure if you sell ladders but if you have a ladder long enough for me to get to the bottom of my well I would appreciate any information on that as well. I need to retrieve my snow blower, my push lawn mower, a ladder, 12 remote control cars, 3 horse shoes, a bag of concrete, a BBQ, a baseball bat, an HP printer, a tire, an air conditioner, and The Scent of a Woman on VHS. Scent of a Woman may sound like a lame movie but its got Pacino at his best.
Thanks,
Nathaniel Burbian
Scary House 2: Scarier House
Forward
I wrote this because I have a lot of demons and I feel this is the only way I can release them. Stories aren't created by an author so much as they are things a skilled artist finds and must dig up. Trying to keep it as whole as possible in the excavation. I'm like a paleontologist of words. When my soul cries I collect the tears in a jar and then put the jar in the oven. I let them evaporate and the residue that's left over is literature. Enjoy. Also this is the sequel, so you should read the first first losers: http://thegifthorsesmouth.blogspot.com/2010/10/scary-house-short-story.html
For my great great grandfather, may these words reach your angel ears and make you smile proudly.
Scary House 2: Scarier House
So tell me is it scary for you baby
So tell me is it crazy for you baby
You know the stranger is you
-Michael Jackson, Is it scary for you
Remember that house that was scary before? Now it's even more scary than ever. It used to be the people in the town were scared of the house because it was so scary but now on top of how scary the house was now it also has the recent triple murder that is way scary also. Basically what I'm trying to say is the scary factor of the house has been made a lot more legitimate due to the recent terrifying events.
A few monthes later a bunch of people that were from a college decided that they wanted to stay the night in the house to try to find the scary and prove it exists. They brought all kinds of equipment and like cameras and audio recorders. They were not scared because they were so smart. Little did they know scary is not something you can escape with knowledge. It will eat your knowledge and you will be like a little crying scared baby. Where's your knowledge baby? Cry, cry, cry.
So these people pull up in a van and get out and they start talking about how scary the house looks. Not that they think it's scary, they are just talking about how the concept of scary in the modern world matches up very well with the scary that can be seen in the house. For example alot of people are scared of scary bats flying around and this house has scary bats flying around sometimes.
So these college kids go into the scary door of the scary house. The reason the door is so scary is because it creeks really loud when you open it. They discuss how the reason the creek is scary is because they have been raised in a society that often in media associates the creek with a scary atmosphere. They think this is very silly and they all gather around the door and laugh at it. Little do they know the scary in the house is laughing at them as well!
The people begin setting up their equipment in the house. It takes a long time and night falls. Night is way scarier than day. Ask anybody. They don't turn on any lights in the house because they want to capture the scary on film and if you turn on lights scary usually wont come out. It's still somehow bright enough to see everyting around though so don't worry about that.
They all walk around the house and one of the guys sees this weird chain hanging from the ceiling. The chain is probably the scariest chain you have ever seen in your god damn life. You are terrified by it. They decide they need to film the chain so they all stand under it. One of the guys wants to prove to the cute girl that he isn't scared by the chain so he grabs it and pulls on it. Suddenly the scariest sound you've ever heard happens. The girl screams and that makes you realize it's even more scary than you thought. You really relate to her fear.
Suddenly the floor drops out from underneath them. Probably pulling the chain did that but it's hard to tell. Maybe it's just a scary chain that makes scary sounds when you pull on it. Anyways they start falling but it's not that far of a drop. I mean it's a far enough drop to be frightening and scary but not enough for you to break your leg. I mean you might think it's far enough to break your leg while your falling and that makes it even more scary, but really when you hit the ground you realize it wasn't that much of a fall and this realization is terrifying.
They all start to freak out kind of. Not that much because they still are sticking with their college education. They start talking about how to get out because it's really dark and they are thirsty but they forgot the drinks in the van. So they start to feel around. Suddenly the girl sticks her hand in a spider web on the wall! She screams and shakes her arm because she is so scared. Luckily the spider wasn't home, but think about how scary that would of been if he had been there!
One of the guys finds a door against one of the scary walls. He tells all the others and they are relieved because they think they have found a way out of the hole. He opens the door and he sees it is a tunnel carved into the dark musty ground. Also a giant scary swarm of wasps fly out for some reason and sting the guy in the face. If you are not afraid of wasps imagine some kind of insect that you do think is scary instead. Really big ants maybe. Turns out he's allergic to bees (or ants). If he doesn't get medicine in the next 20 minutes he will die from the sting(or bites). They have to hurry. The tension is palpable!
Though the tunnel is very clearly very scary they decide it's the only choice and begin to head down it. The walls are lit with torches like in every movie with a secret tunnel you've ever seen, except way way scarier. Think of the scariest thing you have ever seen in your life. This tunnel is the exact same amount of scary as that.
As they head deeper and deeper into the tunnel they begin to hear terrifying sounds. It sounds like chants and chains. They keep going. Finally they come to a huge open room. In the room are these really creepy monks with scary robes and a big scary monster tied to the wall with chains. Imagine the scariest looking monster you possibly can. Actually please go ahead and stop here and take a few minutes to brainstorm what the scariest monster of all time looks like. Maybe draw a picture of it. Okay, this monster looks exactly like that!
The monks stop chanting which is somehow even more scary than when they were chanting which was so scary you wouldn't even believe it. They tell the college people they can't be there. The college kids don't even hear though because they are frozen stiff because they saw the monster. Everyone in college always taught them monsters are not real, so now that they know monsters ARE real they are questioning everything they've ever learned. All of their knowledge is quickly draining out of their minds and is being replaced with the scariest fear ever. They all start to scream.
Their screams wake up the monster and he lets out a horrible growl. Imagine for a second that you have 2 sons and 3 daughters ranging from the ages of 12-17, they all go to a concert together and on the way home they get in a car accident and they all die. Also the reason the car accident happens is because you were supposed to fix the breaks last week but you forgot so it's all your fault. Think of how sad and guilty you would be when you found out the news. Now imagine for a second that that sadness and guiltyness were turned into scary. That is the amount of scary the growl of this monster is.
All the college kids began to scream and run around. The monster suddenly rips off his chains and begins grabbing people. First he grabs a monk and ribs his eye balls out. The monk is so blind and scared he dies instantly. Then he grabs two more monks at once and throws them at two other monks so hard that all four monks die. That's scary times four.
Now he grabs the girl that was scared of the spider and opens his mouth. Out of his mouth pours a billion of the all time scariest spiders of all time. They all crawl into the girls mouth. He puts the girl down and the guy that tried to impress her walks over to her. She asks him for a kiss and he thinks this is big chance. She kisses him and half the spiders fly out of her mouth and into his. Then both of their heads explode in the bloodiest scariest thing that you have ever seen.
Then he grabs the other two college kids and scares them really bad too and they die. Then he goes to sleep.
The van still sits outside of this house to this day. If you saw the van you would be feel really uneasy. Even though you know it has perfectly good drinks in it you would never get enough to courage to go get them.
Also the monster is still there somewhere. Or maybe he left. Maybe he's right behind you right now!
The End?
I wrote this because I have a lot of demons and I feel this is the only way I can release them. Stories aren't created by an author so much as they are things a skilled artist finds and must dig up. Trying to keep it as whole as possible in the excavation. I'm like a paleontologist of words. When my soul cries I collect the tears in a jar and then put the jar in the oven. I let them evaporate and the residue that's left over is literature. Enjoy. Also this is the sequel, so you should read the first first losers: http://thegifthorsesmouth.blogspot.com/2010/10/scary-house-short-story.html
For my great great grandfather, may these words reach your angel ears and make you smile proudly.
Scary House 2: Scarier House
So tell me is it scary for you baby
So tell me is it crazy for you baby
You know the stranger is you
-Michael Jackson, Is it scary for you
Remember that house that was scary before? Now it's even more scary than ever. It used to be the people in the town were scared of the house because it was so scary but now on top of how scary the house was now it also has the recent triple murder that is way scary also. Basically what I'm trying to say is the scary factor of the house has been made a lot more legitimate due to the recent terrifying events.
A few monthes later a bunch of people that were from a college decided that they wanted to stay the night in the house to try to find the scary and prove it exists. They brought all kinds of equipment and like cameras and audio recorders. They were not scared because they were so smart. Little did they know scary is not something you can escape with knowledge. It will eat your knowledge and you will be like a little crying scared baby. Where's your knowledge baby? Cry, cry, cry.
So these people pull up in a van and get out and they start talking about how scary the house looks. Not that they think it's scary, they are just talking about how the concept of scary in the modern world matches up very well with the scary that can be seen in the house. For example alot of people are scared of scary bats flying around and this house has scary bats flying around sometimes.
So these college kids go into the scary door of the scary house. The reason the door is so scary is because it creeks really loud when you open it. They discuss how the reason the creek is scary is because they have been raised in a society that often in media associates the creek with a scary atmosphere. They think this is very silly and they all gather around the door and laugh at it. Little do they know the scary in the house is laughing at them as well!
The people begin setting up their equipment in the house. It takes a long time and night falls. Night is way scarier than day. Ask anybody. They don't turn on any lights in the house because they want to capture the scary on film and if you turn on lights scary usually wont come out. It's still somehow bright enough to see everyting around though so don't worry about that.
They all walk around the house and one of the guys sees this weird chain hanging from the ceiling. The chain is probably the scariest chain you have ever seen in your god damn life. You are terrified by it. They decide they need to film the chain so they all stand under it. One of the guys wants to prove to the cute girl that he isn't scared by the chain so he grabs it and pulls on it. Suddenly the scariest sound you've ever heard happens. The girl screams and that makes you realize it's even more scary than you thought. You really relate to her fear.
Suddenly the floor drops out from underneath them. Probably pulling the chain did that but it's hard to tell. Maybe it's just a scary chain that makes scary sounds when you pull on it. Anyways they start falling but it's not that far of a drop. I mean it's a far enough drop to be frightening and scary but not enough for you to break your leg. I mean you might think it's far enough to break your leg while your falling and that makes it even more scary, but really when you hit the ground you realize it wasn't that much of a fall and this realization is terrifying.
They all start to freak out kind of. Not that much because they still are sticking with their college education. They start talking about how to get out because it's really dark and they are thirsty but they forgot the drinks in the van. So they start to feel around. Suddenly the girl sticks her hand in a spider web on the wall! She screams and shakes her arm because she is so scared. Luckily the spider wasn't home, but think about how scary that would of been if he had been there!
One of the guys finds a door against one of the scary walls. He tells all the others and they are relieved because they think they have found a way out of the hole. He opens the door and he sees it is a tunnel carved into the dark musty ground. Also a giant scary swarm of wasps fly out for some reason and sting the guy in the face. If you are not afraid of wasps imagine some kind of insect that you do think is scary instead. Really big ants maybe. Turns out he's allergic to bees (or ants). If he doesn't get medicine in the next 20 minutes he will die from the sting(or bites). They have to hurry. The tension is palpable!
Though the tunnel is very clearly very scary they decide it's the only choice and begin to head down it. The walls are lit with torches like in every movie with a secret tunnel you've ever seen, except way way scarier. Think of the scariest thing you have ever seen in your life. This tunnel is the exact same amount of scary as that.
As they head deeper and deeper into the tunnel they begin to hear terrifying sounds. It sounds like chants and chains. They keep going. Finally they come to a huge open room. In the room are these really creepy monks with scary robes and a big scary monster tied to the wall with chains. Imagine the scariest looking monster you possibly can. Actually please go ahead and stop here and take a few minutes to brainstorm what the scariest monster of all time looks like. Maybe draw a picture of it. Okay, this monster looks exactly like that!
The monks stop chanting which is somehow even more scary than when they were chanting which was so scary you wouldn't even believe it. They tell the college people they can't be there. The college kids don't even hear though because they are frozen stiff because they saw the monster. Everyone in college always taught them monsters are not real, so now that they know monsters ARE real they are questioning everything they've ever learned. All of their knowledge is quickly draining out of their minds and is being replaced with the scariest fear ever. They all start to scream.
Their screams wake up the monster and he lets out a horrible growl. Imagine for a second that you have 2 sons and 3 daughters ranging from the ages of 12-17, they all go to a concert together and on the way home they get in a car accident and they all die. Also the reason the car accident happens is because you were supposed to fix the breaks last week but you forgot so it's all your fault. Think of how sad and guilty you would be when you found out the news. Now imagine for a second that that sadness and guiltyness were turned into scary. That is the amount of scary the growl of this monster is.
All the college kids began to scream and run around. The monster suddenly rips off his chains and begins grabbing people. First he grabs a monk and ribs his eye balls out. The monk is so blind and scared he dies instantly. Then he grabs two more monks at once and throws them at two other monks so hard that all four monks die. That's scary times four.
Now he grabs the girl that was scared of the spider and opens his mouth. Out of his mouth pours a billion of the all time scariest spiders of all time. They all crawl into the girls mouth. He puts the girl down and the guy that tried to impress her walks over to her. She asks him for a kiss and he thinks this is big chance. She kisses him and half the spiders fly out of her mouth and into his. Then both of their heads explode in the bloodiest scariest thing that you have ever seen.
Then he grabs the other two college kids and scares them really bad too and they die. Then he goes to sleep.
The van still sits outside of this house to this day. If you saw the van you would be feel really uneasy. Even though you know it has perfectly good drinks in it you would never get enough to courage to go get them.
Also the monster is still there somewhere. Or maybe he left. Maybe he's right behind you right now!
The End?
Scary House: A Short Story
Sit down. Turn out the lights. Try and prepare yourself emotionally for the scariest story you will ever read:
There once was a town that had a really scary house in it. Everyone that lived in the town was scared of it. People would try not to go near the house because of how scary it was. Just walking by it was scary.
So then these people from out of town move into town for work. There are two parents and their son. They don't know it's a scary house. So they move into the house. The kid goes to school and everyone is all like "I can't believe you live in that scary house!" and the kids all like "Scary house?" and everyone is all shocked.
So he goes back home and he still doesn't think its scary. So that night he wakes up and he realizes there are ghost everywhere and he's totally scared. He wakes up his parents and they are like "Why did you wake us up?" and he's like this is a scary house and there like "no way." and go back to sleep.
So he goes back to school and he finds the kids who told him it was a scary house and hes like "Help me guys!" and they are like "Let's do this."
That night the kids parents leave to go to a special show or something and he's all alone. So he calls his new friends and they hesitate but finally come in. At first they are like "hey this isn't such a big deal" but then all the ghosts come out.
The ghosts are all flying around and moving stuff around and the kids are all like "Oh no!". So then the kids start reading from a ghost fighting book to try and fight the ghosts. But this only makes the ghosts madder and madder.
Finally the ghosts get so mad they all form together into one giant ghost with a bunch of arms. The arms all grab at the three kids and just start ripping them apart. The kids start to scream in agony but then their mouths fill with blood. Their skin is ripped off and you can see the pain in their eyes as there organs fall to the ground.
Later the parents come home and find the body parts strewn all about the house. They are shocked. They move out. The house is still there today waiting to rip up more kids.
There once was a town that had a really scary house in it. Everyone that lived in the town was scared of it. People would try not to go near the house because of how scary it was. Just walking by it was scary.
So then these people from out of town move into town for work. There are two parents and their son. They don't know it's a scary house. So they move into the house. The kid goes to school and everyone is all like "I can't believe you live in that scary house!" and the kids all like "Scary house?" and everyone is all shocked.
So he goes back home and he still doesn't think its scary. So that night he wakes up and he realizes there are ghost everywhere and he's totally scared. He wakes up his parents and they are like "Why did you wake us up?" and he's like this is a scary house and there like "no way." and go back to sleep.
So he goes back to school and he finds the kids who told him it was a scary house and hes like "Help me guys!" and they are like "Let's do this."
That night the kids parents leave to go to a special show or something and he's all alone. So he calls his new friends and they hesitate but finally come in. At first they are like "hey this isn't such a big deal" but then all the ghosts come out.
The ghosts are all flying around and moving stuff around and the kids are all like "Oh no!". So then the kids start reading from a ghost fighting book to try and fight the ghosts. But this only makes the ghosts madder and madder.
Finally the ghosts get so mad they all form together into one giant ghost with a bunch of arms. The arms all grab at the three kids and just start ripping them apart. The kids start to scream in agony but then their mouths fill with blood. Their skin is ripped off and you can see the pain in their eyes as there organs fall to the ground.
Later the parents come home and find the body parts strewn all about the house. They are shocked. They move out. The house is still there today waiting to rip up more kids.
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